🚨💰BREAKING NEWS: Coinbase just ghosted BVNK like a Tinder date that didn't swipe right! 💔🤖💨 🎉💸$2 BILLION on the table, and they said, "Nah fam, we good!" #StonksToTheMoon or #StonksToTheGround? 🤷‍♂️💀 Did Brian Armstrong wake up and choose “nope” today? 🥴 Meanwhile, in the Coinbase boardroom: 🧑‍💻 Developer #1: "So, should we go through with it?" 🧑‍💻 Developer #2: "Nah, I don’t wanna be broke on a Friday!" 📈 COINBASE BE LIKE: “Just send them a meme about stonks. They’ll get it.” 🤡✨ Imagine BVNK’s reaction: "This is fine." 🔥 As if they weren’t vibing on their way to the crypto-bag with a side of infrastructure dreams! 🚀🌈 Now they’re back to hustling like peasants in the crypto kingdom, while Coinbase drops the ball harder than an AV club member at prom. 🤦‍♂️ So what’s next, my fellow degenerates? Coinbase is probably gonna roll out a new "Coinbase Lite" app for $2,000,000,000 worth of "oopsies." 🤣💔💩 💥🔥Hot Take: In a shocking twist, Coinbase will pivot to develop a new stablecoin called "BrokeCoin" — it’s backed by absolutely nothing and **still** more valuable than their relationships! 💵👀💀