🔥🚀🎉 LISTEN UP, CRYPTO NERDS! 🎉🚀🔥 In a twist straight outta Wall Street’s *Big Brain* memes, Bakkt shares just blasted off 🚀 40%+ after they STAN’d 🥳 Mike Alfred, the crypto dad, as their new board member. Who is he, you ask? Just a casual co-founder of Digital Assets Data, also known as “the guy who probably knows where Satoshi is hiding.” 😂💰 The financial wizards over at NYDIG swooped in like hawks and acquired Alfred's pet project in 2020—because, let’s be real, they were tired of playing Monopoly with paper money 💵. Alfred's also on the board of Iren, a Bitcoin miner, which means he's probably got a second job directing movies like *Minecraft: The Movie* or something. 🤖🎬 Imagine the Board Room meetings: “What’s up, fellow crypto enthusiasts? I brought my NFT art collection to the table today.” *Cue cringey laughs* 😬🤡 Rumor has it, one leaked developer was heard saying, “If Bakkt doesn’t let me mint my own coin, I’m gonna build a P2P potato exchange. 🍟💾” 🔥🔥 HOT TAKE: By 2025, Bakkt will be buying their own islands with pixelated crypto and selling virtual real estate for *real* stonks! 🌴💀 Share this before the news disappears into the void! 📈📉 #WeNeedMoreChaos