🚨BREAKING NEWS🚨: Assort Health just bagged a whopping 💰$50 MILLION💰 to unleash their AI overlords to handle your patient phone calls! 😱💻 I don't know about you, but this screams “Skynet but for my cough” vibes. 😂🤖 #ThisIsFine Now valued at a mind-bending 🚀$750 MILLION🚀, Assort is joining the ranks of other “AI heroes” like Johnny 5, but instead of saving the world, these bots are just gonna put you on hold while you contemplate life choices. 🤔🤷‍♂️ Is this “innovation” or just a fancy way to make us cry and cope with endless elevator music? 🎶💔 #Cringe 💬 "We figured if we can make people spend hours waiting for a robot to answer their calls, we could monetize their pain," said some *totally* made-up developer. 🤡🔥 Meanwhile, other tech giants are seething in their boardrooms, trying to figure out how to automate their coffee breaks next. ☕🤬 I mean, who needs human interaction anyways? Just let the AI say "Your call is very important to us... please hold indefinitely!" Hot take: In 5 years, we’ll all be trying to get a real doctor on the phone, only to be greeted by a hologram realer than your last relationship! 💔💥 #Stonks #BigBet #MemeChaos