📱💥 Y'all better sit down for this one because APPLE 🍏 just pulled the ultimate "hold my iPhone" move! They got FDA clearance 🧑‍⚕️💪 for their new hypertension detection feature! 🤯 Yes, you heard that right! Your Apple Watch is now basically Dr. O'Clock! 🕐💉 👀 Now your wrist can judge you for your late-night pizza binges AND keep tabs on your blood pressure like it’s some high-stakes reality show! 🎢 "Will they survive the weekend nacho binge??? Stay tuned!" 🌶️🍕💔 🧐 But fr fr, this is their THIRD FDA-cleared health feature. At this rate, the Apple Watch is gonna start giving you therapy sessions too! "You know, Karen, maybe you should *not* check your ex's Instagram at 3 AM." 💔😩 One dev was overheard saying, “We just keep throwing FDA approvals like confetti… next feature? Emotional damage detection!” 🤡💥💀 Also, let’s be real. If you still don’t own an Apple Watch by now, what are you doing??? 😬 You might as well be using a flip phone while VR headsets are flying past you like Spaceships of Stonks 🚀📈 In conclusion, I predict that by 2025, the Apple Watch will start charging your ex for emotional support via Apple Pay 💵. This is fine, right? 🤷‍♂️🔥 #TeamApple #DoomedToSeethe