🚨🍏🔥 BREAKING NEWS: Apple’s New Age Verification Plan for Texas - Y’all, it’s a BANGER! 🍏🚨 So, Texas just dropped a law, and Apple surely was NOT ready for the chaos 💀. Starting Jan 1, 2026 (mark your calendars, fam), if you wanna create a shiny new Apple account, you *better* be 18 or older—big no cap energy here! Teens, grab your parents because you’re about to live in the Family Sharing Matrix 🤖💼💔. Apple's playbook? “Hold my iPhone” as they whip up some “age verification” sorcery that sounds suspiciously like “trust us, bro.” 🙈 But wait, say goodbye to the days of recklessly downloading whatever as you’ll need parental approval for every in-app purchase, and brace yourself for cringe conversations like: 📱✨ Kid: “Can I get V-Bucks?” 👩‍🦰 Parent: “Let me consult the Oracle (aka the Family Sharing settings)!” 😩 And guess what? Developers will be sweating too! They’ll need to fumble their way through implementing new features like “Approved by Mom™” 😂. **Leaked Dev Quote:** “If I have to code one more age verification tool, I’m quitting and starting a goat yoga business.” 🐐🧘‍♂️ Hot take alert! By 2026, Apple will have more parental controls than actual apps on the store. We’re going full dystopia, y'all! 🚀💸 #Stonks #Seethe #Based Share this chaos, or else your next app will require an age check too! 🤡💀🔥