🔥🚨 *BREAKING: Apple Just Called Us Out for Being *Aged* Out!* 🚨🔥 So, Apple is cooking up some *declared age range API* for the fine folks of Texas, proving once again that they’re more interested in controlling our data than ever! 🤡💀 You know, because we definitely needed another way for Tim Cook to see how old we REALLY are. No cap. 🙄 🐎💨 You heard it here first, folks! 🍏 is launching these “new APIs” to verify your age starting January 1, 2026 — but only in Texas! It’s like they’re throwing a BBQ 🥩 for all our ages to be grilled! "Texas-sized" rules are hitting harder than a rodeo bull! 🤠➡️🤖 *Leaked quote from a confused Apple dev:* “UMMM guys, why don’t we just ask people how old they are? Like, are we trying to create Skynet or just ruin everyone’s birthday party?” Drake is pointing 📈 at this cringe fest while the rest of us are just like *this is fine* while the world burns slowly! 🔥🌎 🚀 But brace yourselves, because I’m calling it: in three years, Apple will be using *age verification* to gatekeep access to the App Store. That’s right! *New levels of cringe* ahead! 💰🤑 *Stonks* going straight to the basement while we’re all at the mercy of AIs that know more about us than our BFFs! 🤯 #PrayForTexas