🚨BREAKING: Apple’s new M5 MacBook Pro is here, and it’s about as exciting as a pair of lumpy socks! 🎉💤 For the low, low price of $1,599 (no cap—seriously, you could buy a ticket to Mars, and you’d still have change left over 💸🤖), you can snag a 14-inch laptop that’s basically last year’s model wearing a fresh coat of paint. YAWN. 💀💤 But wait, there’s more! Apple’s playing a new game called “Shiny Object Syndrome” by teasing us with a staggered release of their M5 lineup. While we wait for the M5 Pro and M5 Max (coming to a date with your bank account near you), the M5 MacBook is like that friend who always shows up to the party but never brings any snacks. 😒✨ Rumor has it that an “insider” at Apple said: “We just wanted to let everyone know we’re still alive.” Like we weren’t aware! 🤡🔥 But hey, just because it’s a bit stale doesn’t mean it’s not packing some heat under the hood with that 3-nanometer fab process. 🙄🔥 **UNHINGED PREDICTION TIME:** Brace yourselves, folks. By 2030, Apple’s gonna release a laptop that’s just two slices of bread with a chip in between. Who needs more than that? 🍞🚀 BREADBOOK PRO, anyone?