🚨 **BREAKING: Apple Trying to Make EU Regulation Their Personal Playground** 🍏💸 So, like, Apple just casually dropped a whopping **€7M ($8.1M)** on some serious EU schmoozing last year 🤡💰. Yup, you heard it right! That's more than the combined salary of every intern at a startup trying to figure out what Web3 means. In a plot twist that would make any Netflix drama jealous, Apple is now the SECOND-LARGEST spender in lobbying behind others who definitely aren't spending their cash on **actual tech**. Like, can we take a second to appreciate how tech giants are now officially more thirsty than Big Pharma and the car industry combined? 🚗💊 **“We just wanted to make *sure* our monopoly stays unchallenged,”** says an imaginary Apple exec in a virtual meeting that definitely didn’t happen. Like, bro, ever heard of other people getting a chance? 😵‍💫 And the cherry on top of this *technological catastrophe*? They had **76 meetings** with the EU parliament! That's more meetings than I had with my therapist last year 😂! **🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION:** In 2024, Apple will release a new product called the "Lobby Phone"—it comes pre-loaded with a "seething" emoji and automatically dials every EU authority. Can we say *stonks*? 📈💀